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Everything that made us.I'm just sad that your glad
that you choose to do the things
you know are bad, I'm just sad that
your giving up everything that made us friends.
Poetry of titlesif god is still there, your expectations everything.
you have changed, i am left. A disaster i am.
our appearance choose the destination, time can't tell.
Diary of a 11 year old murder.My first Murder was committed when I was 10. My victim was my father. The rat died just liked a rat should, through poison.
in truth he wasn't my real father all though I believed he was for 10 and a half years, and because I believed he was my father I always seemed to make excuses for his violent behaviour towards my mother (even the one's that weren't encouraged by alcohol) but of course I wasn't okay with it at all and the only thing I would do was not add to the quiver pleas of my mother by staying quiet as I dug my nails into my sweaty palm and chewed the side of my tongue as I pondered over what to do. anger grew in me, it was fierce and uncontrollable. I was mad at my father for the beatings, my mother for not beating him, leaving him, or at least trying to call the police, and mad at myself for not doing anything but being mad at people. Once when my stepfather Threw my Mother so hard she hit the corner of a wall and went limp as her brown hair slowly turned red, I f
if god is still there.Feel nothing, Feel nothing
turn your heart into steal,
so you won't have to cry over them.
say nothing, say nothing,
sew your mouth tight,
so you won't have to say comforting lies.
If I could have it my way
I would be screaming in their faces
every second of the day.
but it's better to just let go
because you can't hold on
to no hope.
Forget and don't regret
Forget the good
because the bad
keeps on destroying you.
If I could have it my way
I would be Screaming in their faces,
every second of the day
but it's better just to forget
because you can't save
someone who is past choking.
And in the end they won't
care whether you leave them
because they don't even
care if god is still there.
your expectationsWhen the darkness past
I never saw a change in me
But apparently you seem to think
What can I say to you other
than I tried to stay cool but over time the icy layer
You see I stunned myself into silence, with each unsaid word
I become sicker and madder,
not a word was said
not a prayer was made.
But now that I think about it
I did change, the anger left me
and the sadness over flowed.
But I don't think that's the change
your referring to,
maybe it's the way I'm more blank faced and mono toned,
the way I don't care if I wear blue, purple, or black,
how I always seem near a mental collapse....but again I don't think your referring to this.
I think your referring to the way I
don't meet up to your expectations.
Everything.Just stop. everything.
hold on. I can't keep up.
I'm not on board with you so stop forcing me to stay.
it takes a lot of restraint to not hate you.
I'm a nervous wreck and i try not to blame anyone but you did this to me.
I can snap at any given moment, not that i haven't already but does it count if your alone.
shit happens and shit will continue to happen but i want to be the one who brought it on myself,
I don't want to feel like someone else caused me unhappiness even if it was unintentionally.
I just need to look on the bright side, right. kind of hard when you don't know where to find it.
some times i wish someone shipped me off to a mental hospital, I'm not crazy not at the slightest
but that's how much i want to be alone or at least away from them.
you have changedIt's a question i ask myself over and over again
It's a sign of my weakness,
It's a fear, that can become so real
It's the cage
I wonder how many people know how badly i want to go
I wonder what would happen if i did THIS and THAT and THAT
I wonder how many people know how insane i am,
I bet everyone knows but nobody want to show it- especially me
I bet everyone mistakes it as something they can live with,
They say to me, you have changed, you have changed,
you have changed.
and i say to myself, so fucking what,
too bad they haven't changed at all.
maybe if they did we could all be happier
maybe if they saw the mistakes they made they could fix them
but. too. bad. for. me.
I am leftSharp breaths in between my sentences,
''Help me'' i called out as i choked away your screams,
my mouth sputters red like a water sprinkler,
your tears run from your eyes as my red dots land abruptly onto you,
The fire climbs to your ankle
you thrash me away as you deepen your scream
i scream back ''HELP ME!'' as i smack your face with an invisible hand,
you try to run away but my nails are already digging into your neck,
the fire climbs up to your thigh as your head shakes and your eyes stutter,
i become a statue with cracks in my head,
your eyes flash orange,
i yell ''NO'' and start to run away,
but your fire is dancing on my arm,
i crumple to the ground
you crawl over to me,
screaming and consumed with your bright flames,
i try to get up but i'm numb as i lay staring at the grey sky
and the fire bites into my flesh,
but i'm still fighting you
you crawl on top of me and whisper into my ear
pouring hot molten with each syllable
but i can't hear your words they are like distant echos
A disaster I amAlways last
Always left behind
Always kicked to the curb
Never under control
Full of problems
Silent while screaming
Only happy when i'm dreaming
Struggling to finish this year
Disappointing to myself
Need help, Need to be alone
But being along is scary when
it is not desired.
no one knows
how much of
Mental Disorder Discrimination"You said you've got depression?
No you don't, you attention seeker.
You're just an average teenager with the perfect life
Desperately looking for sympathy."
Stop crying, you coward.
You're just a childish "scaredy-cat".
Blaming your problems on a mental disorder
That doesn't even exist."
"So you're schizophrenic?
Grow the hell up, and stop acting like a child
You're too old for imaginary friends
You callow, juvenile, little twit."
But if we're attention seekers,
Why do we try so hard to hide our feelings from the world?
Why do we isolate ourselves in our rooms,
Desperately hiding the cuts on our wrists
Trying our best to live a normal life?
And if we're simply "scaredy-cats",
Why is our fear so vividly intense?
Unlike simple fear, our anxiety will stick with us forever
A severe long-lasting feeling of powerful panic.
A feeling from which we'll never be free.
Suddenly we're childish for having a mental disorder?
Schizophrenia is not something we can control.
YouIf you’re a girl, you’re a girl.
If you’re a boy, you’re a boy.
If you’re white, you’re white.
If you’re black, you’re black.
If you’re gay, you’re gay.
If you’re bi, you’re bi.
If you’re straight, you’re straight.
If you’re religious, you’re religious.
If you’re an atheist, you’re an atheist.
If you’re mentally disabled, you’re still human.
If you’re physically disabled, you’re still human.
For everything you are:
So who are they to judge you for who you are?
PainParalized by the suffering
A shiver down my spine
Images of my past haunt me
No one can save me from this hell
to me you are perfect
I do not know the reasons
for all those scars burning
against your bright skin
you've been soaking
a pain reminiscing from past
we both cannot recollect
yet you are so beautiful..
when night gets darker
and I am the one...
who's hungered to undress
the spirit of you
slowly revealing the layers
coming off from shadows
disguised in desires
craving to be fulfilled
I will caress every corner
of your silhouette
until I figure the true shape
of your heart
I will rub those blisters
softly until every nerve
of you gushes into a river
and you moan into a life
I had promised you
years ago when we began
to breathe into each other
for all the truths
I must swallow
and lessons I must learn
you are the one
I am destined to discover
what it means
to love in perfection
i can't keep walking on these dry-rot bonesoh, i am not a poet;
like the ink scratches
of plath, i am
specter boy: decay,
dispose, & disappoint
because this is the way
that writers wane -
(this hangman head is no
survivor story, & gods
do not burn out
daydreams and monsters.she was a girl.
she ran with the moon,
chased fireflies in the bluegrass, and
watched the reflection of sunsets in rain puddles.
her name was Alice,
and she was a girl.
but to the dragonflies she was a queen,
and to the mirror she was a sister.
the moon was her prince, and the
blinking windows were the eyes
that kept her safe.
she spent her nights making wishes, and she
dragged her fingers along the shooting stars
that were tangled with her vertebrae.
her name was Alice,
and she was a girl.
her body was a river
her mind was an ocean
and her heart was the sky.
she lived in a world where
doves flew in the sea and
whales swam in the
Today I will die.Today I will die,
It will be half way
I will look out
at the night sky
for the last
or one of the last
I won't expect myself to
It's sad the way that I view
everyone else, as though it
will be one of the last times
I will see them or they will see
me, but miraculously we both
awaken and meet, as though
we weren't so close to death
that we could feel it coaxing
our souls half way out,
hovering around us waiting
to tell us that we have died,
and then our eternal time starts
and never ends.
It's scary when I think about it,
not because I fear it but because,
I fear the one who ordered it,
Will god be happy with me?
will I be able to pass the
there is nothing I can do by then if I fail,
the only thing I will be doing is suffering and wailing.
I just want to be saved, be so good that
I am spared a punishment so bad that even
when i'm released the memory will still haunt me,
and it's and crazy because I don't know if I will
succeed unless it
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More